Faith That Takes!

This prayer and testimony blog is now about this journey of praying, and believing, for Dad's healing. (It is quite possible to pray without believing I think). The last month or so has been a new journey of faith in this battle against cancer. Ever since my fast about a month ago, I have had a new faith rise up inside of me. It began when I noticed that I was just kind of coasting, sort of hoping that something would happen. I began to press into God harder, to inquire about what I can/should expect from him-and why this healing has not yet manifested. Yes, he has been spared, that much is obvious. But Dad has not been healed.

As always, the Lord answered my cry. He always responds to us, and even waits for us to draw near to Him. The thing that the Holy Spirit seemed to be showing me was the power of the prophetic word/proclamation. Again, I reread 2 Chronicles 20 and this time, I saw how the army of Jehosephat went out against the enemy that was to great for them-based on the prophetic word. Long story short, the scripture jumped out at me that read: Have faith in God and his prophets, and you shall be established. This was spoken in regards to the prophetic word that was given to the army that the Lord would fight the battle; they would not have to fight. Still, they were commanded to go out against the enemy and to stand and watch the Lord fight for them!

I marveled as I realized the faith that it took for the Israelites to go out against the enemy without any intention of fighting. (Have you ever noticed how God speaks as if things are already done even before they are done?) They went worshipping and praising God for the victory that was only promised by the prophetic word. This took incredible faith! I thought, if I had been there, I would have taken that prophet aside and asked, very pointedly, "Dude, are you suuure that you heard correctly? Because if you are wrong, we are toast!"The Lord reminded me of the prophetic words spoken about my Dad's healing. Here they are:
1. He will have an eleventh hour healing. Just like the guy (Gandolf the Grey) in the Lord of the Rings came riding in on his horse at the very last minute when it looked like the evil hoardes were closing in, the Lord would come in and bring healing to Dad. (That was how she explained it, really.)
2. That this cancer would not end in death, but it was for the glory of God.
3. That Dad would sing again (she didn't know that he did sing when he was young, but he indeed did), and that he would be healed in his sleep.

To be honest, I did not highly esteem these words-mainly because of churchianities bias against these kinds of words. I shared this bias. But the Lord seemed to be bringing them to mind, and nudging me to stand upon them as I stand upon any of His promises. He brought the above scripture to mind and then I realized that the genuine prophetic utterance IS THE WORD OF THE LORD. It is spoken by the unction of the Spirit, and when we percieve that it is to the Lord, we can stand on it and be established. Any gift of the Spirit is priceless, to be honored and revered. The Lord has really been impressing me with the awe, wonder, and holiness of the gifts of his Spirit. We cannot grow up in Christ the "head" without these beautiful gifts. They are gifts. Gifts...from God. We must revere them and not diminish them due to various perverted forms that emerge and tempt us to pull away from them in fear or disdain. So anyways...

In sum, I have begun to grasp, to seize, to take this healing, even like the woman with the issue of blood took her healing from Jesus. My Dake study Bible translates the word prayer to mean: to sieze, to wax strong, to apprehend, take up, overtake, to overcome. For five years I have prayed and asked the Lord, but now I believe that it is time to take it from the Lord-for he has already "given the enemy" into our hands, if we believe. Cancer is an enemy. There have been two or three words of healing spoken over Dad, and I discerned that these words were from the Lord. But as all things inthe kingdom of God, we must seize the promises by believing and refusing to doubt. This is the battle of faith-and I,for one, cannot do it alone. I don't want to give them impression that I am strong. I am weak. But as I abide in Him, I am strong.I draw upon His strength daily, day by day through dwelling on His word. I meditate, or "mutter" to myself about the word of God any chance that I get. It is my food. His words are Spirit and they are life. He never fails. Ever.

Tonight as I was reading and "muttering" (my new favorite thing...can ya tell?), I was struck by something new. In the passage where the guys lower the paralytic through the roof, I never noticed how they were interceeding for their paralyzed brother. I saw two things: 1.) some in the body are spiritually paralyzed, and they must have brothers that will pick them up, put them on a mat, hoist them onto the roof, dig open the roof, and lower them to Jesus, and 2.) each miracle that Jesus performed was unique and illustrated a different truth. We cannot limit God. God may move because he see's our faith, or he may see the faith of those who surround the "paralyzed" brother, or one may take her healing from Jesus, even when he isn't paying attention! God is so much bigger than our religious, man-generated thoughts of him. May he open my eyes, our eyes, to see Him in all of his glory! For he is glorious.

Violence and the Kingdom of Heaven

Well, the last post the I wrote stirred something inside of me, and I began a 7 day fast to lay hold of the riches that are ours in Christ Jesus. I have been asking, seeking, knocking, praying, but so far, he has not been healed. God has sustained him, and I am so full of gratitude, but this is not healing. But something has stirred in my heart. I simply must lay hold of the kingdom of heaven for my father.

Something has risen inside of me and said "Lord, are you not God in heaven? Do you not hear my cry? Is healing not a part of the Kingdom of God that is to come on earth?" This is the conflict the spurs something violent in my spirit: the promises and claims of scripture are not being realized in this situation. God promises healing through Christ, answers to prayer. The prayer of faith shall heal the sick. Jesus gives his children power over all of the power of the enemy. As of yet, none of these promises have materialized. Is God a liar? Is the Bible unreliable? Are certain conditions not being met? Is it a matter of time, perservering and never waivering? It is something, and I have set my heart to find out what it is!

Divine discontent, holy desperation, if you will, has seized me. I thank God for it, because without it we will never obtain the promises of God. Today in prayer, I felt the Lord say this to me: I am relentless for you, for the church, and you must be relentless for me. I experienced a heavy burden of the Lord for his church, his children, that we would relentlessly pursue him and lay hold of the abundant, glorious riches that are ours in Christ Jesus.


Jesus mentioned this holy violence when he spoke of the kingdom of heaven. Of this kingdom, he said that it is "pushing forward violently, and the violent are forcing their way into it." In the Greek, the word violence is translated, force. The kingdom comes in force, and some force their way into it. These violent ones are the poor, the broken, the desperate. Violent ones do crazy stuff, like the Gentile woman who had the audacity to suggest to Jesus that he should share the children's bread (healing) with her after he had effectively compared her to a dog. (She was not Jewish). Those of us who are less violent and desperate would have been highly discouraged by his remark, if not put-off, or plain ticked off. But she recognized who he was, and so she pushed her way into the kingdom. Jesus was amazed by her faith - because she recognized exactly who he was.

I have noticed that the violent ones experience two things that others do not: a desperate sense of need, and Jesus's identity. As I read the New Testament very closely, I see that whenever someone recognized who Jesus was, miracles happened. When the Living Word meets Living Faith, mountains move, always. This is best illustrated in the story of Lazerus I believe. Jesus said that he was glad that he had not been there when Lazerus had died, so that God would have greater glory. Well, couldn't Jesus had been there and allowed Lazerus to die, and then raised him? I don't think so.

Upon his long awaited arrival, Jesus proclaimed to Martha, "I am the resurrection and the life, if any man believes in me if he dies he shall live, and if he lives, he shall never die." Both Martha and Mary demonstrated their faith level when they said to Jesus, "if you would have been here, my brother would not have died." And he would not have died, because people do not die in the presence of the resurrection and the life. Martha and Mary were believers; they had a despearte sense of need, and they recognized that Jesus was the Christ.

Our Lord and Savior is pure life. I have a desperate need, and I know who Jesus is. He is the Christ, the Son of God, the resurrection and the life. Can I become so full of faith and expectation that I draw out that resurrection power for Dad? I absolutely believe that I can. It lives in me, and it lives in all of the believers who have stood with me. Though the healing delays, I am not deterred. I actually feel stronger than when I first began this journey. I know that this is the Holy Spirit's quickening power in me, for I could never produce such tenacity. It must be God. He seeks an intercessor, one to stand in the gap- and for this, he picked me. Thank you Lord.

I am more and more convinced that we have specific, divine purpose in our lives. I have never felt such a sense of divine purpose, and I am weaker and poorer in the natural than I have ever been. So Lord, I bring my weakness, I bring my poverty to you and I ask you to come. Do what you do! Glorify your name on earth, as it is in heaven. I will in relentless pursuit of you!

When Healing Delays

I have fallen down many times during this season of contending for the miraculous, and often wondered if my theology is correct. I ask the Lord, is healing really a part of the atonement? How do we enter into a living faith in a certain area? I know that the word of God must be mixed with faith in order to obtain the promises (Hebrews 4). I also know that faith is a power, not mental agreement. I would even go so far to say that faith is the very Spirit of God apprehending the promises of God within the the believer.

I also firmly believe, based on the word of God and my personal experience, that there is an experience where faith moves from mental belief to a living reality, when it comes alive. When faith comes alive, you know it. Before I experienced divine freedom from my smoking habit, I mentally believed the scripture, "who the Son sets free is free indeed," but I wasn't free. But it was my very belief in the scripture that fueled my desire to apprehend this freedom. Nine months later, after marinating in the truth of scripture, faith came alive. When faith came alive, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was really free.

When the shift occured, it was pure joy. A powerful reality exploded inside of me: I am free from my addiction! Jesus Christ has made me free! Substantive, tangible power was released when faith came alive. The freedom came shortly thereafter-within days- and it was as if I had never smoked a day in my life. I could drive by 7/11 and I didn't have to make a smoke run. I was compelled to shout it from the rooftops! Had I not testified in church, I am absolutely certain that I would have physically imploded, such was the power that was bursting inside my spirit.

That experience showed me that there is a tremendous difference betwen mental belief (hope), and living faith. Faith has power, substance. Faith is positively convinced. Hope catapults us into faith, if we do not lose heart. Herein lies the crux of the matter, and the true battle, I think; can we hold on and hope until living faith is birthed within through the indwelling Spirit of God?

With Dad's cancer, I have had hope, but not true faith yet. I have mentally believed for a miracle, in the sense that I agree with the word of God. I wonder then, why has faith not sprung to life yet? That vibrant, living, joyful, substantive power that knows the promise will come to pass? One thing I do know is that it takes time and focused study and prayer to move from mental belief to living faith. What happens when the time that it takes to build a living faith works against our belief? In other words, what happens when the answer delays for a long, long time?

But cancer is not the same as smoking. Cancer is on another level entirely I think. If a smoking habit took 9 months of waiting on God, how long does cancer take? Based on my experience with smoking, I knew that it could take awhile to move faith from my head into the substantive realm, a living faith that implodes with power and pulls heaven down to earth. But in long battles, we tend to lose heart and give up before faith has a chance to fully blossom. Will my belief wear out under the contstant atrophy of circumstance?

For me, tiime is the greatest hindrance. Just time. Too much of it. I cannot let go, however. Hope in God propels me. Though I feel much like a battle weary soldier, holes in my boots, frostbit toes, I simply refuse to raise the white flag of surrender to the enemy of cancer. Why should I? Because the healing hasn't come yet? Because others pray and die? Because I don't see evidence?But my heart answers that we live by the word of God, not by what we see and reason. And we are told to never lose heart. So how can I quit? Besides, there is no joy in letting go of God for Dad's healing; and joy is the hallmark of walking in his will.

I recall early on in this journey, I was overcome by the Lord's presence while in prayer about Dad. It was as if the Spirit of the Lord was pleading with his body, the church, to believe all the inheritance that we has in Jesus Christ. So much bought and paid for, but not experienced by his body! The experience was so powerful that I had to pull off of the highway, such was the intesity of his heart too see His children experience freedom, healing, and deliverance. Maybe that is why I am still on this journey. I can't forget the intense longing-passion even-of the Lord.

So, if you have made it this far in this post, I just want to say, no matter the length of the delay, do not let go of God. He longs to give us the kingdom.
God longs to give us the kingdom, but that is not enough. He must have children who will expect the kingdom; who will wait on the kingom. Wait on the lord, wait, I say, on Him.