I Almost Gave Up

I almost gave up. I see how Dad is taking a turn for the worst, I recognize that God stepped in two years ago and extended Dad’s life. I prayed that he would eat again, and somehow he was able to eat. I asked the Lord to put supernatural weight on him, and he went from 110 lbs. to 160 in less than nine months. God has heard, and answered our prayers.

So why not let go? He has lived a long life. He has fought a long battle. Death is swallowed up in victory in Jesus Christ. Death has no teeth, it‘s jaws have been crushed under Jesus feet. “I am the resurrection and the life. If a man lives, he shall never die, and if he dies he shall live.” To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I am convinced that when Dad’s foot hits the threshold of heaven, when he open his eyes to look into the face of Jesus Christ, he would not turn back to planet earth for anything, or anyone. So why not just let go? The word of the Lord is why I cannot let go.

Several years ago, I learned of Dad’s diagnosis and decided to lay hold of God’s promises. I was spurned on by what God had already done in my life. My faith was strengthen by past experience of His absolute faithfulness to his word. I would still be smoking today if I had not set my heart on experiencing God’s word. (I was utterly unable to do it in my own strength!) I had no other option (but to keep smoking), and I wanted to know if God was good for his word. He was.

This and many other experiences caused me to place complete confidence in God’s word. So naturally, hearing that Dad’s life was threatened was a call to “war” so to speak. Early on I saw a few things in Genesis that became the clarion call to battle. These truths have kept me going these past seven years. There are many dimensions to the fall, but a primary aspect is that we fell from believing in God’s word-which holds everything together-to believing in our own ideas, which are based on sensory experience and reasoning.

Eve departed from the word of God because she judged (trusted in her own understanding) the fruit good for eating. In so doing, she dismissed the divine warning label: “Thus Saith the Lord Your God, Do Not Eat. Consumption Will Lead To Rapid Death.” Na, I think it looks good. Munch, munch….Compare this with the second Adam, Jesus Christ, who himself declared, “I do nothing according to my own understanding.” In Isaiah 55, it is said that the Messiah “did not judge according to what he saw or heard, but according to the Spirit of the Lord.” Eve thought for herself, Jesus trusted God’s word alone.

"Only believe on me" Jesus said. Do not judge with your own understanding. When faced with the facts that his daughter had died, Jesus immediately turned to the centurion to catch his failing faith. “Don’t let go Jarius! Only believe!” Keep your eyes on me!” Only believe and you will see the glory of God in this fallen earth realm. I love this interchange because it so illuminates the Lord’s heart for us. Could it be that he is almost pleading with Jarius to keep believing. Oh, if you will only trust me! You will see so many awesome things.
If we can believe Jesus and the word of the Lord over and above the enemies that surround us, we will enter into all the He has already given.

In 2 Chronices 20 when the armies of Jehosephat went out to face the enemy, they put everything on the line. The word was that God would handle the battle, it was His fight (2 Chronicles 20: 15-17). If that one prophetic utterance was wrong, they were toast. But with eyes fixed on God, holding unswervingly to the promise, they stood their ground IN THE FACE of the enemy. To face the enemy means in open view of your circumstances that look really, really hopeless: this is the FACE of your enemy. In the face of a besetting bondage, will we wait on God’s promise of freedom? In the face of crushing depression, will we stand firm in God’s promise of healing? In the face of ongoing umemployment, do we trust in God's provision and blessing? In the face of terminal illness, will we keep our eyes on Jesus and all that he accomplished? I believe, just like with the armies of Jehosephat, God wants to give us the spoils of the enemy.

Another reason why I cannot let go pertains to the prophetic word. About a year ago the Lord seemed to impress upon me that the genuine prophetic word is the word of the Lord too. It is not scripture alone. He took me to 2 Chronicles 20 again. “Believe his prophets and you shall be established.“ I journaled about this one afternoon and that very same night read the same exact thing in Bob Sorger’s book, “The Fire of Delayed Answers to Prayer.“ I had never heard this before in reference to this scripture, but it seemed the Holy Spirit was impressing upon me the significance of cleaving to the true prophetic word. I have prophetic words that Dad was healed of cancer and in the 11th hour, that this would be used for God’s glory, and that he would be healed in his sleep. Now can I believe it despite what I see? The woman who said that he would be healed as he sleeps and would sing again radiated Jesus's love. She was herself confined to a wheelchair and trusting God for healing. She also prophesied that a woman who I was visiting in a nursing home would experience certain things that came to pass a year later. I think that was a sign for me that her gift is genuine.

So we experience God’s glory in the face of insurmountable odds. It is always insurmountable odds that we must confront in order to see God’s glory. We cannot experience a “Valley of blessing” if we do not stand looking into the the face of an enemy. Our eyes look up to see the snarling face of depression, cancer, addiction marching against us, breathing out threats to take us down and utterly demolish us. We see that we are outnumbered, outmaneuvered, outsmarted and surely going down. But God says, “In Christ, I  have given these enemies into your hands. No march out against them and see the salvation of God.”

Cancer screams, “I am victorious! Everyone fears me! See how the church trembles at my name?”
I say, “You are crushed under the feet of Jesus!”

Cancer says, “See how weak your Dad is feeling? See how he is losing his appetite? How long will you try to win a losing battle? Aren’t you tired?
I say, “The battle is the Lords and Christ has already won!”

Cancer says, “I am winning like I always do!”
I say, “You are a liar and have been stripped of all power!”

Cancer says, “See how I keep taking people and prayer has no power to stop me?”
I say, “See how Jesus crushed you and made a mockery of your power?”

This is hy I cannot stop trusting in God. Why should I believe what my eyes see over the Lord's word and promises? No, I am keeping my eyes on Jesus, Savior, Healer, Redeemer. No, I cannot give up. He did not say to stand against the enemy for a day, a year, or a decade. He just said to stand and “only believe.” God help me to stand and not back down. I will circle this walled city seven more times, blowing the trumpet of praise and declaring the word of God until the wall comes crumbling down!

As a footnote, I want to address what I see as belief strongholds in the church about all that I just wrote. (Not than anyone but myself will ever read this….but whatever.) The first is the belief that placing any emphasis on faith leads to condemnation such as “You would be healed if you believed enough!” etc. etc. First, such a concern only reveals pride that we feel we should be totally mature in faith and leaves no room for the reality that we are maturing. We are spiritual children, growing up into Christ. There is no condemnation and no spiritual perfectionism in his Kingdom. In our weakness, He is strong. So we should never feel condemned in our weakness, and do not need to cling to perfectionist expectations of self or others. All such thinking is not of God, who accepts us as we are right now, today. Also, we are in a spiritua battle. Nothing is that simple and healing can be a complex issue. I think we have a lot to learn and much to overcome as the body of Christ. So let’s just believe God and keep pressing on and in for all that He has already given. Also, the other stronghold is again fear related. It goes something like, “People have believed prophesy and been deeply hurt.” The prophetic is a precious, powerful weapon. We do not get rid of every powerful machine gun because a mentally ill man used it in a way that hurt innocent people. We still need those weapons to protect the United States from enemy attacks. The fact that weapons can fall into the hands of the wrong people or be misused does not mean that the weapons are bad. Nuff said!